I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
tell me about the eggs
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