Can Purell be used as lube?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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