oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
