No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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