Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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