so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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