you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
