I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
