have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
