we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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