it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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