In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
