I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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