I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i dont even know how to be here
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
