pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
