Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
