you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
