Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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