I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i believe in u and ur pee
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
