While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
