By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Drunk is a universal language darling
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
