life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
