had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Im part way to drunk.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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