I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
