haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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