Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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