How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
