i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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