What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
