he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
