Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
