3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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