Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
now i know why i became what i already was.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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