I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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