i may or may not be watching the land before time
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
