Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
