I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You are the jesus of drinking
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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