First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
