In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
