hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
