My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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