Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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