Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
