I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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