Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
