If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
