I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
