It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
That accounts for only three of the penises
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
