So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
