I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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